Yes life. I know I’m alive right now, but I want to be healthier, I want to live each day as it’s my last one (depressing for a gift, but…), I want to be happy, I want to love, I want to forgive, but of course not forget.
Let’s start with the first part of my gift, being healthy. I have made a choice to lose weight. I am a big girl, no doubt about that. I’ve been a big girl most of my life and now, after all this time, I want to change it…FOR ME! My gift to me! I understand that it will not happen overnight (damn the luck), and I have to work hard at it and I’m willing to do that, and starting on my birthday is a good thing, it gives me motivation, which I haven’t had in a long time. I also lack willpower…but I will do this! I also need to quit smoking…that is so hard, but I think I can do it…
Live each day as its my last – well that is a no brainer. I will tell people who I love that I love them, I will hold nothing back (this will be hard). I shouldn’t care what others think of me, they aren’t me, they don’t run my life, I do. If someone doesn’t want to be my friend, oh well, see ya, I don’t need ya! I know who my true friends are, compared to the ones who are well just in my life. I know who will be there for me when I need them. I know who will stand behind me when I mess up, who will support me when I need it. I know a lot of people, this is true, but there are a small group of people that I can truly say are my true friends.
Happiness – I think I’m pretty much happy with my life, with a few changes I’ll be happier. I may lead a boring life, but I have teenagers who keep me going and I’m here for them. My life is about me, but right now I have to raise 2 kids and set them in the right direction for their future, not mine. I do not want to live vicariously through them, as some people do with their kids. I’ve lived my teen years, though they may not have been the best, but I’ve lived it, so I need to let mine live theirs without interfering but so much. They need to make mistakes and be able to come to me and ask for help. This past summer I learned a lot about teenagers these days and let me tell you, teenagers back in the day weren’t as vicious, self-centered, spoiled or just rude. Teenagers these days feel like people owe them something – WE DON’T OWE YOU NOTHING! You haven’t lived long enough to deserve anything. Teenaged girls are the worst…just had to throw that in there! So with my gift of happiness to myself, I’m out of my kids drama – I have been for awhile and it actually feels good not to know what their friends are or aren’t doing – because right now – I DO NOT CARE!
Love – I have been married for a little of 10 years and it’s had it’s ups and downs, but it’s been great! David is wonderful. We had a great talk Friday night and something’s came out that made me realize he does love me! I want to show people that I truly love that I do love them, just the small things people do make others smile and that is my goal!
Here we go…In a previous blog I mentioned that I forgave people who have hurt me in the past. I believe in 2nd chances, but that is it, no more after that. Some people think I forgive to easily, well I’ve been alive for this long and people have done some awful things to me in the past and I chose to forgive, so everyone I know has a 2nd chance. This was written in August 2009, and some people blew their 2nd chance already, they may not know it or not, but they have, and I’m not giving them a 3rd. As the saying goes…Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. No fooling me three times. I have too much to live for; I have a lot to offer to my friends, but if they don’t see it, its on them.
That is what I want to give myself for my birthday!
♥.☺.♫
